I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
