forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
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