the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
