Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i dont even know how to be here
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
