just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
