If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
