What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
