My pussy is not your playground.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
