I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
