I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
