I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
