she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
