Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
