so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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