Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
