How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
she woke up with a sticky ear
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
