THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
