Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
