i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
