Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
