she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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