if you like me you must not know who I am
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
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