He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
where are you?
Hypothermia
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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