ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
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Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
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Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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