I wanna bring you to show and tell
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
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