you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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