i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
He felt like a one man threesome
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
