Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
God I need to hump something, right now.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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