Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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