tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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