i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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