Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I think your dad took our porno
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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