i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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