lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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