Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
