I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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