He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
