not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
