I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
