Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
