"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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