ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
