Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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