I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
