i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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