Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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