Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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