remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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