evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
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