fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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