I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
