She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
