ugly people sure do ruin things
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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