I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
