I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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