I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
