Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
