How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
