My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
True strength comes from lack of pants
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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