U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
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He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
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I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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