Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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