You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
