so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
