Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize