Will you blow on my dice?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I supernannyed him into submission
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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