if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
