Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
