My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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