K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
