I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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