i barfeds in our rink
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
