We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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