oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
